KROTCH Zine (Issue 12)

OBJECT:PARADISE PRESENTS A MOCKUMENTARY
OF THE PUBLIC POETRY READING IN...

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۲ ٢ DEFORMANCE

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UPCOMING DAYS:
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
SUNDAY

UPCOMING MONTHS:

DECEMBER
JANUARY
FEBRUARY
MARCH
APRIL
MAY

JUNE
JULY
AUGUST
SETPEMBER
OCTOBER

UPCOMING SEASONS:

WINTER
SPRING
SUMMER
AUTUMN

INFORMATION ON WHAT IS COMING NEXT:

NUMBERS FROM ZERO (0).
O; 7, 2, 5 4, 5: و6‎ Ts 8; 9
IO (REPEAT PROM HERE)

PRIMARY COLORS:
RED

YELLOW

GREEN

HUMAN SENSES:
TOUCH, SMELL, TASTE,
SIGHT, SOUND

HUMAN EXPERIENCES:
LOVE, DEATH, LIFE, HATE,
SEX

TIPS:

-Practice recognizing
how these variables are
appropriated.

-Some variables may Be
closer than they appear

-You will not be finished
until a combination of all

the variables above have been

experienced.

“ነ‏ — جہ مد 98 o‏ ہہ سس نہ

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Ed ais to water my flowers

AES

my mom is not proud that iama poeti

N IAN QW & 5

x actually

1000 JN Nw
ove to apply for jobs NW

SAY NO! TO ART!

Because what is the purpose of
art school?

Is it to empower the artist? What
kind of empowerment?

Qualified by what metric outside
the peripheral?

Is it to provide the artist with
resources and facilities? At
what price? Time? And whose time
spent not creating but learning
how not to create?

Can I learn about art outside of
art school--say at the pub?

Is it to establish connections
and interpersonal relations so
that the artist can find a
market for their works outside
of school? Please.

Or is it being at the right time
at the right place with the
right piece?

And whose piece is it if it has
to pass thru the proxy that art
school is?

Is this art? Passing the proxy?
The test? Graduating with
approved methods of creativity?

Or is it a capitalist pay-to-play
pyramid scheme that teaches our
young people to create works in
an echochamber so they can buy
what they've been sold?

Is this art? Manipulation?
Perhaps.

ኣ 9 ERFLEX ON N
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es >
ሽ (ጀሪ UP mr ሚመ
y se ركم‎ — ۹

/፡ “re ¡GERFLEX CLAN ايحت‎ መሪ

L E vo es ls
d - n [5

barbers are now offeringdiscount
haircuts shopkeepersare on their way
, home domesticated plants are now
ı seeking away out voicemail is making
Eia comeback sunsets are becoming more
T ambitious the decision to pull the
plug was made byexperts who hadn't
nown her name, the spider from
outside has made himself comfortable
near the mustard seeds abstract
clouds remain ignored silk happens to
not be vegan despite on-going
discussions the argument over dinner
had a lasting effect weather patterns
may be influencing births out of
` wedlock alternative methods are being
developed to communicate and we have |
a special report about a small bee
that was observed last evening on the
tongue of a narcissist.

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۰۹.٦‏ تمہ

ME NE RAL RE በፎ GO T4 CRIES
OF BH TOO HELE 89% 5” goaita * La

Hidden H&M store

in Berghain
Exposed

(BERLIN) In a
Ep WA
inding, KROTC
reporters have
exposed a branch of
the fast fashion
outlet H&M hidden
on the fourth floor
of the Berlin
nightclub Berghain.

Rumors of the
fashion outlet have
been circling
Berlin communities
for the last months,
however, due to the
club's strict "no
pictures or videos"
Peter. evidence of

he operation had
been difficult to
obtain.

That is until
KROTCH reporters
manufactured a
surveillance device
that can 86 easily
wedged in the anal
cavity. -

Clubgoer Hans Klein
was shocked at the
news, "H&M is the
number one thing we
wanted to keep out
of here--it's like a
virus!"

The outlet Manager
responded to the
criticism with,
"Where there's a
demand, there will
always 86 a supply.”

REPORT S

Czechia to
Subsidize Kurt
Kobain Face
Tattoos

(NOVE MESTO) In an effort

to celebrate Prague's
"Rock and Roll Guitar
Music Culture", city
officials of Prague-I
are funding a campaign
for its residents to get
the face of Kurt Kobain

of the popular grunge

band Nirvana tattooed on

their face.

"We want to show the
West that Prague is a
city of music and
culture," said
spokeswomân Jana
Praguejednova.

When
reporters why to not
subsidize tattoos of a
Czech musician like
Karel Kr

ee responded,
"Because Americans don't

know him!"

Annual Nudist
Uptick due to
Sauna Shortage

(BILA LABUT) With the

winter season fast
approaching, Prague

residents are expected to

see an uptick of nude
pedestrians frantically
seeking a sauna.

Already this year,
sightings of naked
saunaless residents are
on the rise by 27%
compared to last year.

"Accessibility to saunas
is a top priority," stated

Bohuslav Svoboda, mayor

of Prague, when prompted

by media on the annual
hurdle.

The mayor declined to

comment when asked, "How

would you feel--naked
and afraid?" .

rompted by KROTCH

Bad Comedian

Mistaken as Poet

(MALA STRANA) Last
Friday at a weekly
stand-up comedy show,
Zizkov visitors
accidentally mistaken
the event as a poetry
reading.

KROTCH reporters
investigated the event
and found similarities
between the intended
comedy performance and
the effects that
conventional poetry
readings usually have.

Most notably, both

public performances rely

on the audience's

passivity for the

EE efficiency of
he event.

Although, subtle |
differences were found:
audience members at the
comedy show were
encouraged to say
"haha" in contrast tà
poetry's "mmm..."

New Rehersal,)
Space Open
to Bands in LA
Prague LU

(LETNA) Due to rehearsal
room shortages for
Prague-based bands, the
Ministry of Culture is
encouraging residents to
take advantage of one of
Prague's most notorious
monuments. The Prague
Metronome.

Bands have since begun
den ink in Letna Park
o rehearse.

Not everyone is happy,
however. Neighbors of the
park complain that the
uniform time signature
is encouraging music
that puts them to
sleep.

Additional met-
ronomes are
lanned to be
uilt in 2024 to
combat the
problem.

DUST AND ATTRACTS MEN

4

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|

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ES
IS M.

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5

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LA

7
7 ,
天 کے‎
HAZ
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high on mushrooms

in washington forest
on a big rock

with beauties swimming
and first time

jumped into it
high on mushrooms

super sweet chips

a great graphic design on the package
too spicy

and not vegan

I think that west coast stole my boys

more than the south
but duckbar

and i believe
you can be happy there
gameti mes

I ——

THE ART OF RETURN

See] LIVING
INSIDE A WOMAN MUST BK
INTEREST ING |
THE BROAD
SPECTRUM OF HIPS ር

HOW TO LOCK YOUR KEYS IN YOUR HOUSE | ል BEGINNERS GUIDE FOR DUMMIES

HOW TO LOCK YOUR KEYS IN YOUR HOUSE | A BEGINNERS GU IDE FOR DUMMIES
ran A YU EU HOUSE | À BEGINNERS GUIDE FOR DUMMIES

; Lock KEYS HOUSE A BEGINNERS UMMIES
HOW TO LOCK YOUR KEYS IN YOUR HOUSE | lent dur ces

Decide to go on a morning run to impress your girlfriend of whom you've
lived with only for three months. While the back sweat drips down your
ass crack, wonder how long you'll continue this routine—if its the new
year or if she will come to terms with your inability to pronounce .
quinoa, | 1

| i
Put both the apartment key and building key in the zippier Ket of
the swim trunks you bought in Italy. Now run around the park like an
idiot in them, Sweat relentlessly but smile, "This is great—ian't it?"
Feel proud of yourself. Smoke 5 cigarettes over one espresso in your red.
swim trunks at the cafe for dogs. | |

Run home because you shit your pants, "I think I want to do another lap
rege pcr M tee your TET

| ash an it the a ent an ing key. Meet your friend w —

er ا اعت ا دی‎ tell her she rem ا ےت‎ Lo it Make" ~~
plans for the evening arding yo collective to introduce y |
spreadsheets, Consider ም o vegan. Smoke another one and listen to your

th y
and can fit through a mail alot to open up a door. They won't speak | A
Tell your p m ou love her after you tell her it's all 0

Czech, "thank you". Buy beer at the cornerstone and consider doing your
groceries there because the Vietnamese man was wearing a green shirt
and smiled when you walked in, Tell him you're â pe and your —
plumber girlfriend is waiting outside. Stand in front of your building
with your حر‎ waiting for the neighbor to let you into the
building. Don't yet drink beer—even|if it's 81 degrees celsius out, __ uu.

rr 人

wrist like an idiot. Tell your
e IO minutes, Sweat relentlessly. Consider the politics of breaking

into your own home, Drink keer. | 3
Consider the fire escape, the roof, the neighbor's balcony and its

distance to your halcony. Knock on her door and ask if you can jum from

her balcony to yours, Don't. Drink beer. It's been 20 minutes. Your cr
neighbor will come who's a professor at the university. He will tell you,

in perfect English, how much of a bitch your landlord is, Feel good. Give

up. Push the metal wire directly through the mail slot of your door and

hear it clang on the linoleum, |

Call your landlord and tell her you need the spare key. She will say
she's in Italy for a week. Go roll in the park you went to this
en , hold your girlfriend's d, and be thank ral you changed your

—

© © © © © © © © © © © © © © © © © © © © © © © © و 2 © ©

ካ | f missed konnections

y.” ንብ
y

M4W ( PMP : GIRL WITH BLONDE EER ) - I saw you at Frague Microfestival
looking &t Rowland's works up so close I thought you were smelling
them. We had a brief moment alone in the hallway. I thought about
what they smelt like on the 9b the whole way home,

W4W ( Chi Xiao Mian, JZP ) = We both frequent the new chinese noodle
restaunt at jirac, You go there on Tuesdays, I go on Tuesdays &
Saturdays. I wonder if you'd iike to join me next Saturday? If you
notice me say hi--i'll share my cucumber lemonade with you.

W4M ( ALBERT ~ OLDER MAN WITH AGING MOTHER) - You were helping your mom
shop for groceries at Karlovo Namesti and we smiled at each other
and said hi......Then you turned around and smiled at me. If you see
this....I am interested. BE

M4W ( JULIA OH JULIA ) - You left your little socks aude my ea and ive
just now found them after ail these months. I know they're yours
because of your initials stiched in them. You deserve so much better.

M4M ( PINOKIO AT STARBUCKS, NARODNI TRIDA ን - You told the barista your
name is Pinokio but I,havent been able to find your profile
online--just animations? You ordered a Matcha Latte and stired it
with your nose, I thought that was so cool.

M4W ( CAFE RYBKA: Svarak’ ) = looking like ya 3. needed a freind bright eyes
and a welcoming smile we briefly talked and I wish we would have -°>
exchanged numbers anyways just a shot in The Darkness. TO

WAW ( SEEKING YOGA PARTNER, POSSIBLY MORE, PRAHA-4) - Im Moi mr a
female to get stretchy with. I have an itch I need to scratch ‚and it's
been too long. Vegans only. pc AS

W4W ( WHAT THE FUCK, JAN? ) ~ SERIOUSLY. Who do you think you are ae
our tesco shopping card with her? She will never give you what you
need. I could have given you so muck more if you had let me. Don't
come crawling back this time! EEE

M4W (POET IN N PLAID AT OPEN NIC ) = You rôad a poem about 7+107 x
1 mustard seeds anu never ር piantine inca and made it into an SESS Logy

M4MM (I'M READING FOR ANYTHING ) ፦ Available on EF ies 16:30 =
17:00. I can host.